24 May 2010

Parenting Challenges

I am still trembling as I'm writing this entry. Nope, it's neither becoz I'm in great fear and nor am I having the Parkinson's syndrome. The fact is that, I was trembling with an outbursts of anger. My whole body was shaking as the raging anger rushed in.

It was about 8 pm when I reached home earlier - feeling very tired & exhausted while at the same time having that guilt over Marsya for being very busy for the past few weeks. As usual, Marsya greeted me with her sweetest smile & the biggest hug which immediately recharged the zero energy left in me. Like she normally did, she'll start telling me stories about what happened at school & what she did the whole day today.

She then told me how upset she was when one of her friends said a terribly bad things to her earlier. Without expecting anything, I asked her what he actually said to her? To my surprise, this is what he said : Bye cock sucker......are you the type of girl who likes to suck boy's tits & cock?

That's when my pulse starts speeding up; my cheeks start to burn and my heart pounds twice as fast as my blood rushed through my veins. I cant remember when was the last time I felt the same anger before. What upsets me the most is the fact that it's my daughter he said those words to & he's only 11 year old, for crying out loud ! If he's like this at the age of 11, imagine what kind of a man he would grow up to? Horrific !

I told Marsya right away that I need to have a word with this boy (whom I'm gonna refer as "A" in this entry). At that point of time, I'm still uncertain whether I'm being irrational or maybe I'm just being too over protective of my daughter? But then one thing for sure, I dont think I could ever sleep tonight without sorting this up with A.

So, after calling a few of her friends, I finally managed to speak to A :

Me : A, can you speak English?

A : Yes I can

Me : Did u chat with Marsya earlier?

A : Yes I did

Me : What did you said to her at the end of your conversation ?

A : I said bye.

Me : Are you sure that's all you said to her?

A : Yes

The phone was on a speaker mode and I asked Marsya to tell A & me what A had actually said to her. Marsya then said the same thing she told me earlier.

Me : Did you hear what Marsya said A? Is that true ?

A : Yes, it's true. But I didnt mean it - I'm just playing around. My friends always said those words to me. So, I said the same thing to her.

Me : But did Marsya ever said any bad words to you ?

A : No...... but her friends did.

Me : Her friends did but not her, right? So, what makes you think you can upset her by saying those bad words to her? Listen here A........it doesnt matter whether you mean it or not but what you did is very wrong. An 11 year old boy like you shouldnt have said those words - not to Marsya, not to your friends and not to anybody. You shouldnt have behaved like this especially to girls. As a boy, you should show some respect to a girl - and not talking to them like this. I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you here.

A : Yeah, I understand. I shouldnt have said that to Marsya & anybody else.

Me : One more thing A......if you make a big fuss out of this conversation you had with me now, or you'll tease Marsya at school tomorrow for making me talking to you like this - I'll make sure I'll go & talk to your teacher & your parents about how bad of a boy you've been. I'm sure you dont want that to happen, isnt it?

A : Ok, I understand auntie. Can I talk to Marsya coz I think I need to apologize to her.

Me : That's a very good thing to do A. You do owe her an apology.

Then, I passed the phone to Marsya & let A apologized to her.

I sounded very firm & stern talking to him. I was controlling myself very hard not to be over-reacting in handling the situation. Thank goodness A is very polite as well - it helps me a lot in managing my anger. Especially, the part where he wanted to apologize to Marsya - it's a very noble thing for him to do.

Judging from the conversation, A is a quite a smart boy, I would say. He speaks English very well which implies that he came from a very educated family. I remembered speaking to his mum on Marsya's sports day a few months ago. She was such a pleasant lady & soft spoken too. I just couldnt understand what went wrong along the way?

Often we heard people relating the social economic status to the children's behavioral development. Lower socioeconomic status, broken families & uneducated parents are among the theories behind a problematic child. But then, this has been proven not to be true at all time.

Marsya has been surrounded by a bunch of spoilt brats at school everyday and A is just one of them whose path crossed with mine today (lucky him!). She always complained about her classmates who always said all those bad words as if there's completely nothing wrong with it. And all these friends of hers are coming from a very wealthy and educated family.

It makes me scared thinking of how the next generation's gonna be - my daughter's generation it is. I hope A learned a good lesson from what had happened today. I really hope he would someday thanked me for what I did & grew up to be a fine gentleman. And I'm glad I've said all the things I've said to him earlier - at least I know I've done something good for the next generation to come.

Ironically, earlier today I was having this conversation with my BFF at the office about my fear of Marsya's future. I was telling her how much I wished I could protect Marsya from being hurt by all those pricks out there & how much I'd wished she wont go through the same painful experience her mum had with guys. I remembered saying this to my BFF :

On Marsya's wedding day, I will look straight in his eyes & tell this to my future son in law : JUST REMEMBER ONE THING - DON'T YOU EVER BREAK MY DAUGHTER'S HEART........ COZ IF YOU DO, I'LL PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL KILL YOU IF I HAVE TO. THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU - REMEMBER THAT !

Thinking back what I've said & after what had happened today - even if I didnt promise him that, I'm quite sure I'll kill him should he do something stupid that will break my Marsya's heart. I'll just chop his head off - whichever head comes first !


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