15 December 2010

Could This Heart Ever Heals?

It has been more than a month since DD appeared in my life. And it has been 2 weeks I've been hearing a guy whispering "I Love You" to my ears. Happy? Maybe. Flattered? Guess so! C'mon, which woman doesnt like to be praised & adored of? Being whispered the words of love to her ears every single day & night. Honestly, I enjoyed every moments of it.

But to fall for him? This is one thing I cant say yes just quite yet. All I can say is that I'm still far off from that direction. I have been in love a couple of times before & I am pretty sure how it felt. I didnt have all those butterflies jumping up & down in my belly every time I spoke to him. My heart didnt beat any faster than before. I dont have him occupying my mind all the time. And I didnt smile all day long for no reason. So, technically I am not in love !

If DD had come to my life 5 years ago, things might have been really different. I am quite sure by now I'll be walking on cloud nine & thinking of nothing else but him. I'll be easily swept away by his mushy words and instantly charmed by his romantic moves.

But that was then - before my heart has become as hard as a rock. No more neurons firing and endorphins flowing. I've kept my heart locked up tight for the past few years. With all these things happening to me makes me wonder if I am capable of falling in love again. From what I see, looks like I could never open up myself to any men anymore. I've been very, very protective of my scarred heart that giving it away seems to be close to impossible.

All those sufferings & pains I've gone through all these years has actually taken away every single faith I ever had in love. How much can a person's heart take - after being stomped for so many times? Just thinking of it makes me shudders in fear. I agree that being in love is the nicest feeling a person could ever experienced but it's good to be reminded that along with it comes the most unbearable pain nobody can ever imagine.

For me to be in love again would need more than an effort to make it happen. Much, much more than constantly saying those 3 magic words to me. It's more than dedicating romantic songs every now & then. And sending romantic text or emails with flowery words wont do as good that much either.

The thing is, most people are only good at breaking hearts, but only few of them are good at picking up the pieces.

Sweet revenge is spoken then;
In the twilight it is gone

To living lies with no escape,

God, I would rather be alone


Post a Comment