09 February 2010

The Traumatized Girl

She was only 10 when you first asked her to cook. Honestly she wouldn't mind even though her heart is screaming, wanting to go out & play with her friends. Being an obedient child she was, she kept her feelings & desire to herself and complied without a word for she knows it's all for her own benefit. True enuff, over the years she has learned a lot - through thick & pain. The credit would definitely be yours. Thank you.

By 12, she was capable of doing almost everything a housewife needs to do - from doing the laundry (by hand), marketing and cooking. Again, she neither complaint nor object as she's very much aware that it's time for her to repay your kindness for raising her up all those years.

The only thing she regretted was not being able to please you for everything she did. When other people bragged about their daughters, you would say the otherwise about her. She was lazy... she dunno to do this...she dunno to do that....never a good thing about her ever came out from your mouth. You can sometimes say all these with her presence to all your friends, which really broke her heart into pieces.

There's this one time when she asked you what to cook for lunch & you told her that anything will do. But then later why do you have to be mean & said this to her, "Is this all you cooked ? And you expect me to eat?" She never meant to fail you or anything. All she wanted to do is to please you but that seems to be quite impossible.

Every time she went and visit her parents, you wanted her to be back home the next morning as early as possible. At times she'll be a few hours late where she only got home at 10 - 11 am instead. You'll be so angry that you wont speak to her or even looking at her face for days. Frankly, she preferred it very much if you could just beat her up rather than emotionally abusing her like that. Physical pain can be easily cured but when your feelings are hurt, it'll take years to recovered.

When she first got her period, she told you about it hoping you would tell her what to do. Yet, all you can say is "So, what?" With tears running on her cheek, she walked to the nearest shop & bought herself the sanitary pad with her own money & learn to use it based on the picture printed on the box. She's only 12 at that time, for crying out loud !

Childhood experience can traumatize a person their whole life. It's not something that easy to get it over with. It'll somehow keep haunting them back. Till today, she still cried over it. The pain is still very strong as if it just happened yesterday. Even after 30 years, she would still woke up in the middle of the night, crying whenever the thought suddenly appeared in her head.

Anyway, she loved you very much & she knew that you loved her too. It's just that you have a different way of showing your love to her. She has also forgiven you for everything. The only thing she still cant do is to forget. How she wished she could erased all those from her mind, leaving only the beautiful memories of you. It's hard but not impossible and she's very sure that one day she would be able to do it. Insyallah.


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