28 June 2010

Falling In Love Again?

To me, love is going to bed at night knowing that there is that one person out there who is thinking of you at the same moment. Love is not being able to sleep without hearing their voice just before the day is over. Love is indeed one of the most beautiful thing - though it cant be seen or touched, it is felt with the heart.

I am not saying all these becoz I'm currently in love - no, I'm not (except for my undying love towards SRK & Edward Cullen, of coz ). In fact, falling in love is the last thing I wish would happen to me at this point of time. People said that it's worth all the pain that's waiting for you at the end of the road. But frankly, I doubt every single word of it.... having your heart stomped on like it wasn’t anything to begin with.... and I am so tired of giving away my heart on a silver platter and getting nothing in return!

I have been in love, the kind of love where your heart sinks, you feel out of breath, and feel like the whole world is one hazy bubble of colours. But then things go wrong as they do, or people go away to the other side of the world.. so on and so forth. Makes me wonder at times what is this all about. I would love to feel that way again, but to be honest I dont dare to risk my heart from being broken again - been thru the cycle a few times, slept thru life for months following the death I felt after each break up.

It's been a year since I broke off with my ex but the pain still feels fresh and raw like road rash on my soul. Just that once you’ve loved someone with every fiber of your being, it becomes very difficult to let go that place in your heart to another. I find myself struggling to open up myself to another guy or to even just consider them romantically, and thus far it’s proven beyond my capacity.

My BFF kept on telling me that I should start going out again but that is something I'm certainly not sure of. Is that what I really want? I’m still not sure that I want to fall in love again. Honestly, at this point I’m not even sure what love is, or what it feels like anymore. It’s hard to fall in love again when you’ve been hurt so bad that your pulse fell to zero.

I would like to fall in love again. I just dont know if I have anything to give anymore to anyone.....

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo,
but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you
when the limo breaks down
Oprah Winfrey


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