08 December 2009

Life Is Hard

I was having this chat with a friend of mine yesterday where she told me about a friend of hers who choose to stay in the marriage despite of her husband having an affair. She's a very smart girl with a very good job which earned her a fat pay every month but yet she still wanna stick to him. This has actually raised a big question mark in my friend's head. The reason given was co cliche that is bcoz of the kids. 90% of the answers given from a couple who stayed in an empty marriages was becoz of their kids. But that doesnt mean the balance 10% are being selfish - it's a very unfair assumption if that's what you're thinking. Anyway, that's not what I'm gonna blog about today.

Frankly, the above scenario is nothing to be surprised about - it's not something new. A lot of women out there choose to be manipulated & cheated or even abused by their other half rather than walked away from it. Some of them didnt really have a choice especially those poor housewives who didnt earn a living. With no job in hand & a row of kids, one cant afford to ask for a divorce no matter how bad their spouse treated them. All they can do is to pray hard every night & day for their husband to change. It is indeed very, very sad knowing this fact. Let's just pray for them so that happiness shall one day be theirs. Amin.

Those who have a choice but still clinging on, well I dont blame them either. There are 2 classifications for these special group. First, those who are very dependent on their husbands. These are the people where independent is never in their vocabulary - they dont drive, they never pay the bills on their own, one who cant never have her meals alone - they practically relied on their husbands on almost everything.

I knew somebody like this before. Sadly, her husband had an affair & eventually she found out. She got really upset & practically called & cursed the slut who's been sleeping with her hubby. The best part is the husband can actually make her apologize to that slut for cursing her earlier. Otherwise, he'll divorced her. And she did...she did apologize to her. I was so speechless when I got to know about this. I just dunno what to say anymore. The reason being, she just cant possibly live on her own. I dunno what happen to her now but I do hope life treats her better now for all the sacrifices she've done. Amin.

The second group would be those who just can bear the title "Divorcee" or as what you called them in Bahasa Melayu as "Janda". I hate that title.....I surely do. It's a very shameful & disgraceful title a woman would ever want. My ex-colleagues came to work with one new bruise on her body every week after being beaten up by her husband. Divorce? No way !!! She just cant picture herself being called a divorcee. The husband can continuously abuse her but not to leave her. Again, a very heartbreaking story. This time I'm not gonna pray for her but the prayer would go to the husband instead. I just hope the husband would be knocked off by a car which will paralyze him so that he cant even lift a finger to his wife anymore ! I know I'm mean but come to think of it, he's even meaner ! He's an animal !

But then again, I didnt blame all these women. Being a divorcee is indeed very hard - one need to be physically & emotionally strong. Let alone raising the child on your own, attending to their needs & such. On top of all those physical demands, you have a bigger situation to face that is the society (the Malays especially). Whenever a divorce occurred, it's always the ladies that were to be blamed - that's how shallow our society are. It's a very sad truth. The guys are always the good ones, the right ones. Duhhhhhhhhh !!

Till today, I still feel inferior of myself especially during family functions where most people knew me. When I saw them talking, I cant help myself but to have the thought that they're talking about me. Whenever, I walked out from my apartment & bumped into my neighbours, their eyes & smiles were killing me. They might mean well but I keep on having this feeling that they might be bitching about me. Last weekend coming back from Lin's place, I have lots of things to carry back to my apartment. The guard offered his help but I just cant accept it no matter how much I'd like him to help. If I were a married woman, I'll definitely said yes to him. But being in my situation, I have lots of things running in my mind before I could say yes.

First, I'm just being skeptical especially when it involved a man. For all I know, he might be hitting on me - having a hidden agenda behind that kind offer of his. Secondly, it's the society again. People might be thinking I'm flirting with him instead. That's how complicated things can be for us, divorcees. We can be sincere but due to our status people might think otherwise. You cant be too friendly with your friend's husband as you might be accused as a husband stealer. You cant be too kind to your male neighbours coz they might think you're flirting with them.

It's not only what people thing about us, it's what we think about them too. What I mean here is skepticism. I am the queen of skepticism especially when it comes to guys. Any guys who sincerely being kind to me ( yeahhhh, if there's any ), the only thing I have in mind would be : he just wanna get laid, which 95% of it is true, I'm sure. I was so skeptical, I even doubted a lady (who happens to be one of my avid readers) who wanted to befriend me (via an e-mail). I was actually doubting whether this lady is actually a lady as she claims to be. For all I know, she might be a "he" who's just trying his luck on me. Cant blame me for I've been through a lot all these years.

Nobody wins all - you win some you lose some. Be grateful with everything you've been blessed for. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.


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